Poetry
Expression of heart through hand.
Comments
We the People Say…
Matthew Bowerman on Drinking Our Savings Kim on Jay’s Journal. I want th… marcy on Jay’s Journal. I want th…
 | Matthew Bowerman on Drinking Our Savings |
 | Kim on Jay’s Journal. I want th… |
 | marcy on Jay’s Journal. I want th… |
Human Waste 
One Candle In The Darkness
In the pitch black,One light stands out,
And in the pure silence, You alone hear a shout,
You look for the source, But see only the candle,
And a big book, Sitting on a mantle,
You’ve never seen this before, Or at least not tried to,
“This ‘big book’ is the Bible,” a voice says behind you,
You turn around quickly, To see but a man,
A hole in each foot, A hole in each hand,
You remember a story, A loved one once told,
Of a man named Jesus, This story is quite old,
“He died for me, and He died for you,
So believing in Him, Is the least we can do!”
You’ve never heeded these words, Till you read this Book,
You’re touched by the story, And the Man’s loving look,
A tear rolls down your cheek, And you fall on your face,
You cry “Lord please forgive me! I’ve been such a disgrace!
I’ve run for so long, And now I’ve run too far,
But now I’m done running, Except to Your arms!”
You raise up your face, And look up from the floor,
And every thing’s changed, It’s not like before,
There are voices and people, Oh what a sight!
But what you notice most, Is for once, you see light.
O.K. so this is one I wrote a short while ago and does not reflect any of my thoughts or experiences. I was just exploring new and different types of poetry, and I had just read some of my brother’s older poetry.
A Walk Down the Street
She walks the halls,
Getting stares and glares,
From unforgiving eyes,
She sees the burn,
And hate and flames,
All wishing her demise,
But she finds relief across the way,
She hears the yells,
And the arguments,
Within her parents’ room,
They always fight,
And scream and bicker,
They’ll be splitting up soon,
But she finds relief across the way,
Her brother’s struck,
With leukemia,
A horrible disease,
Her dad cannot,
Seem to bear the pain,
So he packs up and leaves,
But she finds relief across the way,
Her brother dies,
In only a month,
The pain is now too deep,
Across the way,
Is now not enough,
So she goes down the street,
And now she will need no relief.
*looks at first poem*
I wouldn’t use the adjective “big” for the Bible. I can’t think of anything better, but it just stood out.
“You cry “Lord please forgive me! I’ve been such a disgrace!”
I love the rhyme, but the dialog is a bit immature and radical. A bit or reworking would fix it. But really, I adore the rhyme. Great job!
*second poem*
Freeverse, I see. Nice. I really like the repetition. But as freeverse, you have too much structure. You need to break it apart a bit. In the first stanza, if you did this:
“She walks the halls.
Getting stares,
Glares.
From unforgiving eyes.
She sees the burn,
Hate.
Flames.
All wishing her demise,
But she finds relief across the way…”
And the use of periods really adds to the power of a line. Overall, I like this a lot too. The concept isn’t new, but you’ve made it feel new.
Now that I’m done critiquing, I can chat. So, you found my Blogger via FF5 search? *chuckles* That’s lucky. Thanks for all the comments, I do appreciate it when people say something about what I write.
You can e-mail me, because commenting back and forth could be bothersome. No?
Anyhow, thank you again.
I have a new poem that I wrote today. What do you think?
NO MORE SILENCE
The silent majority,
Of the Christian minority,
Has been silent long enough,
It’s time to sing,
It’s time to scream,
It’s time for us to speak up.
Unborn children are murdered,
Torn apart and slaughtered,
And yet our mouths remain shut,
Is anyone there?
Does anyone care?
I can’t tell because no one speaks up!
Will you make the choice?
Will you be a voice?
Stand up with me right now and say,
“I’ll help save the millions,
Of unborn civilians,
Who, like Christ, are innocent, yet murdered each day.”
I know this is a little different than my others, but abortion is a very touchy subject for me. I hate it above all else, and I will protest it till it is illegal. I love babies, born, and unborn.
Overall, it’s pretty nice. But the rhyme between “there” and “care” is really rather common. And the entire stanza could use some re-working. But again, the poem is full of emotion, heart-felt, and put together nicely. A bit of editing would be the glue that holds it all together.
Thank you for the advice, I hadn’t really thought about it that way, but you’re right, it is kind of common. I’ll change it if I think of anything that works better. Hrmmmmm…
My friend Elizabeth is here and wants you to look up her new wordpress. So check it out if you get a chance. piratethatdoesntdoanythin.wordpress.com (and yes, it is supposed to say”anythin”.)
Hrmmm… I’m not sure if I like this, but what about this:
I feel so very weary,
Cause no one can hear me,
Or so it seems cause no one speaks up.
As opposed to the original:
Is anyone there?
Does anyone care?
I can’t tell cause no one speaks up!
See, I can’t tell which I like better, I very much like the original stanza for the emotion it gives off, but as it was stated, it is a rather common rhyme, so I’m just trying to come up with something less common, but obviously, I need some help.
I did this one today, it was raining cats and dogs and I was thinking about my favorite poem, so that was my inspiration. I haven’t polished it up yet so it still needs work, let me know what you think.
LIFE STORM
Cloudless.
Clear and utterly beautiful,
The sky is a picture of happiness.
Bliss.
But out of nowhere,
Clouds.
A harsh word.
A rude gesture.
The sky is now consumed.
The rain begins.
First only a drop.
A trickle.
But soon, what was once a single drip,
Subsides to a shower,
Steadily streaming down the face of the sky.
And all at once,
A torrential downpour.
Buckets.
Floods.
The sky’s tears fall as if the firmament has once again opened.
It comes with thunder.
Bellows.
Screams.
The clouds have overrun the sky.
Darkness.
It’s too dark to continue.
Pressing on appears hopeless.
So hopeless.
But no,
We must go on.
Yes, the darkness seems unending,
Consuming.
Frightening.
But we know that behind the clouds,
The Son is there.
Waiting.
Ever waiting for the right time to come forth.
To shine.
To drive out the darkness.
And consume the clouds that devour our blissful days.
All may seem lost,
But the Son is still there,
Always waiting.
Always caring.
Always loving.
Always there.
Written by Kenyn M.
Inspired by “The Rainy Day” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, as well as the very rain itself.
Hey, what do you think of using the adjective “old” as opposed to “big” in my first poem?
“And an old book, Sitting on a mantle,”
“This “old book” is the Bible, A voice says behind you,”
Hrmmm… I don’t know.
Thanks for your comment on my blog. People other then Ian read it…wow.
Lovely poem…hmm. I love free verse. Try to incorporate some poetic tools like simile/metaphor/alliteration/assonance/etc.
But yes, really rather lovely.
Great job. And Christ truly is help amid the storm.
Thank you…
I didn’t expect you to look at my wordpress, I just wanted to check out your poetry cause you always give Ian great advice, but since you did, COOL!
I just started writing a couple months ago, so I’m afraid I’m not very good yet and don’t know what some of the terms are. (simile/alliteration/assonance/???)
I don’t know how to even pronounce the first and last ones. What are they?
Thank you again!
~Kenyn M.
*smile* I enjoy commenting when people take the time to comment on my poor musings.
Simile=saying something is “like” something else. “The clouds, like puffy marshmallows float on the realms of dreams…” *cough* Horrid example, but yes.
Alliteration=a constant repetition of a sound. “Loves Lost Lament” would be an alliteration as it uses the letter “l” three times to begin a word. But something like “Tying eyes with skies.” would also work as alliteration as the “i” sound is heard numerous times. Assonance is the same, just with vowels instead of consonants.
http://web.uvic.ca/wguide/Pages/LiteraryTermsTOC.html
^^There’s a good link with lists of poetic tools and such.
Thank you!!!!!!!!! This will help a lot with my sad attempts at writing. Sorry it took so long for your comment to pop up, for some odd reason, it ended up in my spam folder. Weird…
Anyway, I’ll work on it. Life Storm was just a spur of the moment inspiration that I decided to post, but I think I could make it readable (without too much wincing) with some reworking.
THANKS FOR THE FEED BACK!!!!! 😀
We have this on our fridge.
O.K., so it’s not quite poetry, but it’s just as brilliant.
A Woman’s Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for:
Wisdom… To understand a man
Love… To forgive him and;
Patience… For his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
I’ll just beat him to death.
(Yet to be named)
I speak as if I know,
But I do not know your wonders.
I hear about your majesty,
And of your voice that thunders,
Yet I do not cease this blasphemy,
Long enough to hear you,
But as you speak out of the storm,
My God, I surely fear you.
You ask “Who is this who darkens counsel,
Prepare yourself like a man,”
Surely I spoke of things that I,
Did not understand.
You said “Listen now and I shall speak,
I shall question, and you will answer me,”
My ears have always heard of you,
But now, my Lord I see!
To find out more of this story, read the book of Job in the Old Testament. It’s a very interesting read.
~God bless
This poem is not supposed to be some great work of art or anything it’s not even really poetry, it’s just what’s been on my mind lately.
(No name)
My heart like an expensive jewel has been stolen, still beating, from the chest it once rested in. How long can it remain alive? How long can it’s rhythm continue, being stolen yet not loved? It is beating quickly, like the thrumming of a humming bird’s wings. Faster. Faster. Then suddenly, what was once a sperratic drum line, has now become an occasional thump. Thump… Thump….. Thump……..
Soon, the light of it’s life, like a candle in the wind, flickers, and dies.Only you, my thief, can return it to it’s beating state. Only you, my love, can bring my withered heart back to life. But even if I sat at your feet, and begged like a dog, pleading with what little of me there is left, would you? Would you put aside my all that keeps us apart, and love me? Only you have the answer, but I’m afraid I already know. And so I will remain broken. A withered heart, that will forever sleep in silence. But still, I will always love you.
~Me
I wrote this Monday night, the 14 of July.
FOREVER NOTHING
What if I told you?
Would you respond positively?
Would you look at me like a child?
What if I tried to explain it?
Would you understand?
Would you think I was exaggerating?
What if I couldn’t get it out?
What if I opened my mouth to speak,
But nothing escaped my lips?
What if my fear of rejection,
Overpowered my longing for acceptance?
What if you accepted me enthusiastically,
Only to lose interest in about a month?
Or…
What if you really do care?
What if you would really love me,
But I never find out,
Because I never ask?
What if I never know?
Is this it for us?
Are we to be forever nothing?
I actually wrote this for 4th of July.
THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED
Free is only free,
Because someone else already paid.
Our life is only ours,
Because our mothers went through pain.
We take these things for granted,
Because without we’ve never been,
And we even take for granted,
Our spot in great Heaven.
The seven wonders of the world,
Are simple such as this:
To see,
To speak,
To smell,
To taste,
To touch,
To feel,
To love.
These things we take for granted.
Thank God for the simple things.
I know that this is no masterpiece, but I kinda like it.
HOW LONG?
How long will it be till I see you again?
How long will it be till I hear your voice?
When was the last time you smiled at me,
Just because you were glad I was near?
You finally hugged me,
Instead of me hugging you.
How long has it been since the last time that happened?
How long will it be till the next time?
How long will it be till you care for me,
The way I’ve always cared for you?
Will it be when I’m sixteen?
Eighteen? Twenty?
Will it come at all?
How long will it be till I know the answers?
How long will it be till I can breathe again?
This is something I wrote in about fifteen minutes last night (which is obvious from it’s simplicity!) and is really nothing at all and I don’t know why I’m posting it, but what the heck? Why not?
(NAMELESS)
How can you see how I look at you,
And still not have a clue?
How can you sit right next to me,
And not hear my heartbeat?
How can you not hear it’s speed increase?
How can you look at me the way that you do,
And still not see that I ache for you?
How can you not tell how much it hurts?
How can you see all the signs shining through,
And yet not know that I love you?
Like I said, nothing really, but I thought I’d post it anyway. Whatever.
Wow. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
Anywho, I felt like posting something on here, so here’s a poem I wrote a couple months ago or something. I don’t keep track of when I write them. It’s not very good, but then I say that about all my stuff, so I guess that it doesn’t mean anything. But anywho, here goes.
*INSERT NAME HERE*
Alas my love, it laid me low,
The knife in my back was the fatal blow,
It devoured my heart and destroyed my soul,
It blackened my eyes to the state of coal.
Neither feelings, nor love, just lust,
My fairytale dreams have turned to dust.
So now love evades, it will not come,
It leaves me here to die alone.
I went through my old notebook yesterday, and I found a couple of old, old…. old poems I had written. Anywho, one of them is so ancient I it may have well have been found in some Egyptian tomb, and the other is pretty old, but I read it to my best friend and she liked it, so I guess it isn’t too horrid.
(Freakishly ancient really dorky one)
A field of flowers,
A grove of trees,
I see Your face,
In all of these things.
Kids look at the clouds,
Seeing shapes so odd,
But when I look,
Instead I see God.
So like I said, ancient and not that good. Next!!
(Not as old and I like it a bit more)
I close my eyes and drift away
And rem brings me a story,
Pirates are attacking from all sides,
When one lunges my eyes open wide
The lunar is still up and the twinkles are out
It’s time to drift again.
I close my eyes and drift away
And rem brings me a story,
I’m one inch tall and faced by a snake,
He’s hungry; he bites; then I awake,
The lunar is still up and the twinkles are out
It’s time to drift again.
I close my eyes and drift away
And rem brings me a story,
A princess and prince are making up,
They lean in to kiss… “WAIT! DON’T WAKE UP!!!”
The solar has now come and the twinkles are gone,
It’s time to start the morn.
Yeah, so there. My poetry from another time and place. I think I had just finished listening to my brother explain sleep cycles (which I only barely halfway understood) when I wrote this. I think I was bored out of my mind if I recall correctly…. Whatever. So there. I posted something.
So, for anyone who hasn’t known about my blog for a long time, I might mention that I no longer post my poetry on this page. I now just put it on the main page so it’s easier to see. Sooooo….. yeah. There.
When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!
Honestly.. I have absolutely no idea. I didn’t even know that was an option cause I figured I would be notified if people clicked to follow things on my site.. so.. I’ll look around, but I’m not actually very tech savvy…